Saturday Night Fever

With all this talk about fashion week, you’re probably getting very excited about the summer. But are these runway models wearing things that are going to look good on you?

Yes and no. A lot of the new designs don’t even look good on them, and they have perfect bodies and are in fact, women. But wait….

There are some dresses that look great on everyone, especially you, the fashionable crossdresser. I’m assuming that you’ve been staying in shape and are keeping up with your hair, nails, and waxing.

(By the way, if you’ve been sitting on the couch watching Biggest Loser and eating pizza, there are body shapers to help you.)

Lets say its a warm Saturday night in June and you want to go out. What to wear, what to wear?

I suggest this Saturday night Fever sequin dress from Hale Bob. It has long sleeves to keep you warm, and comes in 3 colors. Jump into your favorite panties and stockings, pack that bra with whatever you pack your bra with, and break out those special heels.

Remember, don’t talk to men with big scars on their face and do not give out your phone number, ask for theirs.

Looking at the website it seems that not only do you have to pre-order this dress, but it may not be available until the end of November.

What kind of shit is this?

This my dear, is the kind of shit you’ll learn to put up with. You wanna dress like a guy then go to the gap and buy jeans. You wanna dress like a gorgeous woman you’ll learn to suffer for fashion.

I did check the website and most of the dresses seem to be available now.

Check out: www.us.halebobstore.com

Fashion Week for Crossdressers

Its that time of year again, and there are an overwhelming number of new dresses and styles to help confuse you. Besides the fact that many of these are really terrible outfits, most will cost you a small fortune.

You have to ask yourself; “Will my friends at the bar care if I wear something from J.C.Penny or buy an original Christian Dior?” And even if they do, unless they help you pay for it just ignore them.

Here is my suggestion to help you be a part of Fashion Week, make a statement, and possibly get a contract with one of the major designers. (OK, that’s a long shot)

Its Friday afternoon and you’re on your way home. You consider stopping at the gym but its been a long week, and happy hour seems like a much better idea.

Your favorite gin mill is having a transvestite fashion show, as well as serving fresh pickled eggs and beer nuts, so its an easy decision.

“I wish I could get up there and walk the runway,” you say to yourself while stuck in traffic, then sigh.

But you can! This is where creativity and quick thinking come in handy. You have that tacky old shirt and cut off shorts in your gym bag. Go into your trunk, lift up the secret compartment and grab your panties, black pantyhose, heels, wig and makeup.

Now here is the key to making this work: Casually walk inside in your suit and tie, say hello, excuse yourself and go to the ladies room. There are no women there at this hour and there’s more room to get dressed.

Put on your panties and hose, the shorts and the shirt. You’ll use your glasses, tie and bag to make an ordinary outfit extraordinary. Now its time for your wig and makeup.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

You want to let your friends get a few drinks in them, and wait for the transvestites to begin strutting their stuff. (This may take a while so be patient, tweeze your eyebrows or something)

You finally hear the music and applause. Its Dude Looks Like A Lady-your favorite song!

The lights will be dimmed and all eyes will be on the cute tranny models, so this is your chance to sneak out of the ladies room without being noticed.

This is important. Making an entrance is vital to your success here.

Casually get in line with the other girls and look confident. If necessary, trip the model in front of you and hit her with your gym bag right before she goes on. This is standard practice for this kind of thing so don’t feel guilty.

Now go girl! Show em what you got! Fuck Christian Dior, Fuck that young slut in the wedding gown lying on the floor, she probably would have tripped anyway. This is your 15 minutes of fame, and if you can avoid getting arrested you’ll remember this forever.

So never judge a book by it’s cover, or who you’re going to love by your lover. Love put me wise to her love in disguise, she had the body of a Venus-Lord imagine my surprise…

I’m In Love-a poem

By Charles Bukowski

she’s young, she said,
but look at me,
I have pretty ankles,
and look at my wrists, I have pretty
wrists
o my god,
I thought it was all working,
and now it’s her again,
every time she phones you go crazy,
you told me it was over
you told me it was finished,
listen, I’ve lived long enough to become a
good woman,
why do you need a bad woman?
you need to be tortured, don’t you?
you think life is rotten if somebody treats you
rotten it all fits,
doesn’t it?
tell me, is that it? do you want to be treated like a
piece of shit?
and my son, my son was going to meet you.
I told my son
and I dropped all my lovers.
I stood up in a cafe and screamed
I’M IN LOVE,
and now you’ve made a fool of me. . .
I’m sorry, I said, I’m really sorry.
hold me, she said, will you please hold me?
I’ve never been in one of these things before, I said,
these triangles. . .
she got up and lit a cigarette, she was trembling all
over. she paced up and down, wild and crazy. she had
a small body. her arms were thin, very thin and when
she screamed and started beating me I held her
wrists and then I got it through the eyes: hatred,
centuries deep and true. I was wrong and graceless and
sick. all the things I had learned had been wasted.
there was no creature living as foul as I
and all my poems were
false.

Erotica,Wet Dreams,and Assorted Paraphilias

I can help you put your favorite wet dream into words, and transform it into an audio story. What do you think about when you’re home all alone? Is it something different? Something you’ve never told anyone? You can tell me, I won’t laugh. Do you want to be feminized and forced to wear a pretty blouse and skirt? Need help with your hair and makeup? Taught to walk in heels? I can invite my girlfriends over and you can model for us, would you like that? Come on, you can tell me. Tell me everything.

Sit On It!

So you’ve been thinking putting about things in your ass, right? Come on, you can admit it.

Its OK, a lot of people like that. But you’re just not sure if it will hurt, and exactly how it will feel. Fear no more, because once again I’m here to help you.

I’m talking about The Rude Boys, and they’re more fun than a gaggle of hamsters.

You don’t want to jump into this without research, statistics, measurements, and a schematic. So here you go:

Say Hello to The BOYS! These P-spot pleasure demons stimulate the prostate and perineum simultaneously. Their unique curved design enables hands-free use. Just insert, sit, rock, enjoy. Made from soft, flexible medical grade silicone, with a classy chrome tip, these innovative anal toys are powered by RO-80mm bullet vibes.

The Boys do come with one warning: intense ejaculation ahead.

Rude Boy:
Length of outer curve, Base to Tip: 11 inches
Length of inner curve, Base to Tip: 7 inches
Insertable length: 6 inches (outer curve), 4 ½ inches (inner curve)
Circumference: 3 ½ inches
Circumference of Vibrational Base: 5 ½ inches

“Where’s the schematic Miss Teresa? We need a schematic.”

This is as close as I could find, but I think you’ll get the picture:

They also come in red to match your favorite panties. There is the Rude Boy, The Naughty Boy, and The Bad Boy, and they all want to play with you.

Go take a look!