A discussion came up in FetLife today about humiliation and why some people like it. Most people seem to have trigger phrases that either gets them going or gets them off.For example,”Big Boy”,did it for Portnoy in “Portnoy’s Complaint.”
Most of my female friends have a similar trigger phrase that they think about during sex or masturbation.It may be “That’s a Good Girl” or “Sit on Daddy’s lap” or “Bend Over Honey”,or any of a thousand variations,but you get the idea.
The idea of being humiliated and/or embarrassed as a form or sexual gratification has always intrigued me.For many men this is a necessary ingredient and essential for them to complete their fantasy.Especially if their fantasy is Forced Feminization.As much as they go to tremendous lengths to avoid it in real life,they want to be punished by a group of women.Made to wear feminine clothes such as a frilly nightie and panties.Laughed at,teased and ridiculed.And stripped of all dignity and masculinity if only for a short time.
No doubt this has caused tremendous guilt and conflict as well as paid for more than one psychiatrist second home! I’ve discussed this in great length with one of my subs,lets call him Mark C for the sake on anonymity.Mark is a lawyer in a small town on Eastern Long Island and drives a green Jaguar with vanity plates that say MARKME.Is that too much information? (I’m sure there are several green Jags out there,forget that thing about his plates).Mark and I have known each other for a long time.We met after he was married to his first wife for almost a year.He told me about his fantasies and I didn’t have a problem with it at all.But I’m not his wife and was only seeing him for a few hours at a time.
Mark’s fantasy has always been about a group of women capturing him somehow and teasing him.It started with just that when he was very young,and progressed to more intricate scenes with specific details that had to be there for it to work.For example,by the time he was in his teens in high school, he was fantasizing about being caught by a group of hot girls,blackmailed into doing whatever they ask,and being forcibly feminized and humiliated by them.This became the only way he could get off,and while his friends dreamed about getting into girls panties he dreamed about wearing them!
Fortunately Mark became close to a girl who wasn’t really sure about her sexuality and they began dating.She never let him go further than playing with her breasts and kissing.Which was perfectly fine with Mark because now he had a girlfriend and he wasn’t that interested in straight sex anyway.I don’t think he ever told her about his fetish but it was a great relationship because she needed time to figure things out as well as him.
Mark is now married to a great lady that I’ve met briefly,who is very much into the BDSM lifestyle.She has certain unusual fantasies as well and they have a very successful relationship fulfilling each others needs.I’m thrilled that he has found such a woman and realize that he is very,very lucky to have her.I was going to say the majority of people I’ve met,but lets say that many people I’ve met with similar fantasies are no where near as happy and fulfilled as Mark.They have either told their partner about their fetish with terrible results or have kept it to themselves,along with their guilt and confusion about it.
I still have no idea what creates these different desires and fantasies in men and women.Whether its a woman who fantasizes about wetting her pants,or a man with a love for feet,or a Dominant woman who learned after a long time what she loves and divorces her husband and does it.I wish I could do more to show people that everyone is different, and that if you have something that gives you pleasure and doesn’t hurt anyone else then go ahead and enjoy it.But things are never that simple and its really not that unusual for a women to be shocked when you tell her that you want to wear her clothes and go ice skating.Unless you are telling me, because my skates are sharpened and ready.