I recently found this great article online and thought it was well worth sharing.And it was written by a man!
How to Caress a Woman By Michael Castleman
This is how he starts:
Compared with men, it takes most women longer to feel warmed up enough to enjoy breast and genital fondling and intercourse. How much longer? For most women, a lot longer. “It takes me a good 20 to 30 minutes,” says Betty Dodson, Ph.D., a noted New York City sex educator. “It takes other women even longer.”
How many guys either don’t know this or don’t care?If you want to play the game you better learn the rules!
Kiss her. One crucial form of erotic touch that rarely gets its due in sex manuals is kissing. “A kiss,” a wit once said, “can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point.” Don’t just clamp your lips on a woman’s or thrust your tongue into her mouth. Kissing is a dance. It involves a constant interplay of lips and tongues and moist, warm breath. Brush her lips with yours. Nibble at each other’s lips. Run your tongue over her lips. Let your tongues chase each other as they dart in and out of each other’s mouths. Run your tongue over her teeth. The poet Percy Bysshe Shelley defined kissing as “soul meeting soul on lovers’ lips.” Put your soul into it.
Caress the rest of a woman, before you reach for a woman’s breasts or between her legs. Gently run your fingers through her hair. Fondle her ears, her face, neck, shoulders, arms, the small of her back, her buttocks, her sides, the backs of her knees. All these spots can feel charged with erotic sensation. Touch everywhere else first. This allows her the time she needs to warm up to sensual pleasure and feel receptive to genital explorations.
Ask her how it feels as you do touch other spots. Frame your questions carefully. It’s much easier to say that something feels good than it is to say that it feels uncomfortable or hurts. Try to frame your questions to minimize the need for the woman to say: “That hurts.” Instead of asking, “Does this feel good?” which might elicit “No, it’s uncomfortable,” try saying, “Would you prefer lighter touch here?” That way, “yes” is a request for an adjustment, and “no” means all’s well. You might also ask, “Would you prefer firmer touch here?” Or try asking, “Would you prefer me to touch you somewhere else?” Or just invite her to tell you what she enjoys by saying, “Coach me.”
Try another way to identify places a woman enjoys being caressed. Suggest that whenever she enjoys your touch, she should say “yes,” and whenever she feels discomfort, she should remain silent. It shouldn’t take long to discover all her “yes” spots and the pressure that makes her say “yes.”
Treat her nipples very gently. In pornography, the men often treat the women’s nipples roughly. They pinch and twist them, and when they suckle them, they are often not every gentle. This is a big mistake. Nipples are very sensitive, and if you treat them at all callously, the woman may get turned off, and your erotic connection may be destroyed. Be very gentle with a woman’s nipples. Caresss them lightly with your fingers, lips and tongue. Once aroused, some women enjoy somewhat firmer nipple caresses. Check in with your lover about when she likes what kind of nipple fondling.
Fondle her vulva and clitoris even more gently. In porn, the men and women say “hello,” and then almost immediately, the men are reaching between the women’s legs. A big mistake. It takes most women quite a while to become sensually aroused enough to welcome genital caresses. That’s the whole point of leisurely, playful, whole-body sensuality.
Once you’re clear that a woman is open to having her vulva caressed, treat it very gently. In porn, the men often pry open the vaginal lips as though they’re opening a Zip-loc plastic bag. Major mistake. The vaginal lips develop from the same cells that, in men, become the shaft of the ****. Do you like your shaft pinched, gouged, or treated roughly. Probably not. Be gentle with the vaginal lips. Don’t pull them apart. As women become sexually aroused, their vaginal lips part on their own.
Even worse, the men in porn often go at the clitoris like they’re scooping a fingerful of peanut butter out of the jar. Huge mistake. The clitoris has just as many touch-sensitive nerve endings as the head of the ****, but it’s much smaller, so all those nerve endings are concentrated, packed tightly together, and super-sensitive to touch. Be extremely gentle with the clitoris.
Lay the palm of your hand on the woman’s vulva and invite the woman to move in ways that give her pleasure; don’t try to open the vulva. Once her outer and inner lips part, there’s plenty of time to fondle, kiss, and lick her inner vulva and clitoris.
Tell your lover directly if you like your **** fondled shortly after the first kiss: “You know, when we make love, I’d really like it if you’d start stroking my **** early on, almost as soon as we get started.” Then, ask how much nongenital caressing your lover would like before you touch or kiss her between the legs. Better yet, make this offer: “I’m not exactly clear when you feel comfortable with me touching your vulva, so I’m not going to touch you there at all—until you take my hand and move it down there yourself.” For many women, this would be a godsend, allowing them to postpone genital play until they feel truly ready.
Know that wet doesn’t mean ready. For men, assuming that everything works as it should, erection is the first sign of sexual arousal. In women, it’s vaginal lubrication. A wet vagina does not necessarily mean the woman feels ready for intercourse. All it means is that she is beginning to become sexually aroused.
When are women ready for intercourse? That varies from woman to woman. Many women would feel deeply appreciative if men said, “I’m not exactly sure when you feel ready for intercourse, so I’m not going to go for it until you invite me in.” You might arrange a nonverbal signal, for example, she might tug on your ear lobe. Or she might say, “I’m ready now.” Do what works for you. Just remember, wet doesn’t necessarily mean ready.
Appreciate the afterglow. Finally, like kissing, afterglow rarely gets the sensual respect it deserves. Many women complain that after orgasm, men just roll over and fall asleep. Most lovers focus on the “after” when they could have more fun—and feel more sensually intimate—if they appreciated the “glow.” Try exploring the unique possibilities of post-orgasmic sensuality. Hold each other close. Kiss one another in unusual places. Try some light massage. Facial massage of the forehead, cheeks, nose and jaw can feel wonderful especially if you gaze deeply into each other’s eyes. (Don’t press on the eyes. Most people find this unpleasant.) For a final sensual touch, try cupping your palms gently over your lover’s ears. Closing off external sounds ushers the recipient into a womb-like world of breath and heartbeat. The fact is, the term “afterglow” is a misnomer. In truly sensual lovemaking, it should be called “et cetera.”