Go Ask Teresa-Mothers

J: Dear Miss Teresa, I’d like to know how the Mother fits in to all of this. What in your experience is the connection?

Me: Well J, this is a very delicate subject. Are you sure you want to get into it? Wouldn’t you rather discuss something else? What’s your favorite kind of cheese?

J: Do you think that crossdressing is a variation on the Oedipus complex?

Me: Little known fact. Oedipus used to design very intricate birdhouses. He was one of the first to create the bird condominium, with little indoor and outdoor pools, and a tiny gym where they could work out.

J: I mean, so many stories have to do with being caught by Mom, and then dressed as one of her girls. And I think that most crossdressers began by dressing in their Mother’s clothes. Also, it seems to be a very common fantasy to be shipped off to girls school or a relative like an Aunt. Do you think this is a substitute for the Mother figure?

Me: Did you know that some ants can lift 10-50 times their body weight? Wouldn’t it be cool if they got together at night and moved peoples cars just to flip them out?

J: I think this is a very important issue, and has a lot to do with the incredible guilt that so many people deal with, don’t you?

Me: OK J, I’ll be serious. First of all, gender awareness and human sexual development begins at the age of 2 or 3. To get technical:

“In “normal” development, the Oedipus complex is resolved. The son now identifies with the father; he no longer views him as a rival. The son develops affection for, not libidinal attraction to the mother. The sexual libido directed toward the mother is sublimated and becomes non-sexual affection. The son seeks a female (sexual) partner other than the mother. Libidinal attachment to the mother is SUBLIMATED into sexual attraction for other women (substitutes).”  Sigmund Freud-Dissolution of the Oedipal Complex

Right, well what does that mean? He used to do a lot of blow so its hard to follow. Basically it means nothing, its just a theory. A theory is a guess. So what I am going to say is more or less my theory, my guess, and my opinion.

This is a hypothetical case, I know that not all crossdressers get sexually aroused from it, or have fantasies about forced feminization and humiliation.

I think that sex is one of the most confusing things in our lives. For some it comes easy (excuse the pun), but for others it takes a lifetime to figure out. For a crossdresser the feeling of first putting on women’s clothes, say a pair of panties, is a highly erotic and pleasurable experience. Soon afterwards it becomes a confusing and anxiety producing compulsion, that cannot be denied or ignored. He continues to dress up despite more and more stress and guilt.

As he reaches adolescence and begins to masturbate, his confusion is multiplied. Not only is he wearing female underwear, but he is often fantasizing about being feminized by women, and sometimes it may be his Mother. My guess is that to avoid this guilt of being aroused while thinking about her, he begins to substitute others in her role. A neighbor, the girls at school, a relative, or maybe all of them at a large party.

So to makes things more complicated, he now has a fetish to wear women’s clothes, he has fantasies about being dominated, feminized, and humiliated, and he has little if any desire for a normal sexual relationship with a woman. In a nutshell, he’s a mess!

Should I go on?

J: Is it too late to talk about cheese?

Me: Oh yes, I’m on a roll.

J: Actually Miss Teresa, everything you’ve said is right on the money. I don’t know how you could possibly know all this, but this is exactly what I went through. Exactly!

Me: OK J, let me sum it up as painlessly as I can. This may seem extreme, but being gay, or bisexual in my case, is just as confusing and stressful. When your desires and sexual preference seems wrong, you may feel like its your fault, and that something is wrong with you. There are no easy answers, and many people spend half their lives trying to be someone they’re not, and that’s if they finally figure it out! Just know that being different is not a bad thing although it will be hard, and there is help and support out there no matter what your situation. Was that any help at all?

J: I’m going to call my Mom.

Me: Me too!

Go Ask Teresa: Crossdressing advice, help and insight

Go Ask Teresa: Crossdressing advice, help and insight

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